A Letter to God !!!

3/3/92
11:41pm

    Oh God!  My feelings and emotions are so mixed up and confusing right now.  I want to try to bring them
to the surface so we can deal with them.  I resent the invasion of this word CANCER in my life and the life
of my loved one once again...  this invasion takes away our ability to think straight and deal with the matters
at hand..   I resent the ability stolen to come and go with Alan Donne whenever we wanted to take off  and
go for walks.  I miss those times we could just sit and talk or just be together doing nothing...  The need  to
be needed and for someone to do for me what I can't do for myself...  I call on You to meet that need.  I
just want it to be like it was;  that time shall be no more...  I know we can't go back to the way it was ever again unless a miracle is done in his body... that body is invaded by this dreaded disease called cancer and
we can't fight it in ourselves.  we need your help to understand and know  what is really going on in the spiritual world...
I know there is a heavy battle over this life in Alan Donne's body.  We know the spiritual life lives on after the natural body dies and we know there will be peace in Heaven where no more pain and death occur.  I long for that opportunity that is afforded all those who believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, our Savior and soon coming King.  I do believe and surrender my entire life to You to do with at Your will...  The ability  to love again and be loved is the desire of my heart...  I long to even feel love again...
     I feel so dead in my spirit.  Revive me with Your sweet Holy Spirit...  Let me feel You again and have the joy of Your presence.  I try to forget the thing of Cancer that has invaded our lives again; first my Mom,
Aunt, Alan Donne's Mother,  Brother and the scare we had just ten short months ago when I found out
about the cancer in my own body.  But praise God You kept mine from spreading...  the doctors say Alan Donne's was in his lungs for years and we can't do anything about that now...  Why did his spread and mine didn't... only You know God...  Now the doctors say he has less then six months to live...an eternity it seems but is only a short time to enjoy his company.  I love him so much and yet it doesn't seem to be enough right now.  Love him now through me and let me not resent him but resent the invasion that has come into his
body, the earthly tabernacle that will be shed at death and go into eternity to be with his Heavenly Father... Draw us both to your precious side when the time comes...